Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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