if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
