We need to rekindle our bromance
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
