You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
