i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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