I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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