I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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