I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
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Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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