Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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