Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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