i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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