I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
