ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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