It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
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i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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