What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
