grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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