Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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