I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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