I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize