Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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