She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
