At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
