You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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