I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
