In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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