Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
