you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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