she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Can I color on your dick again?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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