My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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