I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
