I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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