where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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