i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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