Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
