Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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