you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
