its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
