it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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