i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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