i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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