"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
