it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
