dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
