Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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