booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize