I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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