I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
