There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
