ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So vagazzling was a success
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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