Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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