i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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