Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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