Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
