Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
