He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
