Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
