I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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