saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
