Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
