We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
