meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Your tits are I can't wait for
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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