dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
