guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize