the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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