You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
