Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
