ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There's always time for handjobs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
