How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We are all done wearing pants today
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
