He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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