you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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