Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
