wanna go halves on a baby?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
