talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
